reading porn

I fear....

Funny, heartbreaking and provocative, Huge follows the lives of seven teens and the staff at a weight-loss camp, as they look beneath the surface to discover their true selves and the truth about each other.

In Huge, Nikki Blonsky will portray Willamina, a teen whose sardonic and rebellious nature make her a menace to some and revolutionary to others. Additional cast include Zander Eckhouse as George, Harvey Guillen as Alistair, Ari Stidham as Ian, Ashley Holliday as Chloe and Hayley Hasselhoff as Amber.

Huge, based on author Sasha Paley's book of the same name from Alloy Entertainment, is being developed by Winnie Holzman (Wicked, My So-Called Life, Once & Again) and daughter Savannah Dooley. Holzman will serve as executive producer as will Kim Rozenfeld (American High), while Dooley will serve as producer on the series. Alloy Entertainment’s Leslie Morgenstein and Bob Levy (Gossip Girl, The Vampire Diaries), will also serve as executive producers; Robin Schiff (Romy & Michele’s High School Reunion and ABC Family’s 10 Things I Hate About You) will serve as a consulting producer.

(no subject)

I have had many situations the past few days that have either hurt me or enraged me.

1. On Saturday, I was at my significant others and he just got high speed.  This was the first time I have ever been able to see You Tube.  Ever.

Anyways, I was surfing YouTube and stumbled on something completely and totally offensive.  It was a video by the group CollegeHumor called Mother.  It basically had a twenty/thirty something son talking with a doctor in a ridiculous manner about his mothers obesity.  I was pissed and since I was on high speed, I wanted to post it here (hind sight not very bright, but I was seriously and royally pissed off about this video).  I sent it to a long distance friend of mine and asked  how to do post it.  I pretty much enfuriated her by doing that.  This is the message that I wrote underneath that she didn't get, "This was ridiculously offensive and made me upset, but I have no idea how to post to the group fatfeministrage. I just clicked on it and didn't realize how offensive it was."  She must not of seen it because she accused me of actually thinking that shit was funny.    I'm not trying to invalidate her feelings, because I know this is just a misunderstanding.  However, I can't figure out for all the stars in the sky, why she would even think that I would actually think this was funny.  I have had so many issues with weight in the past year, three years even and I have been obese/fat ever since I was seven.  I was so upset and terribly hurt.  I don't have very many friends anymore (due to my sig. other, but that is another community) and she is the one that I truly hold dearest to my heart, even though we aren't as close anymore.  I can't recall having ever fought with her.  I'm still hurt.

2.  Last night, SNL Remembers Chris Farley was on.  My Sig. Other called to tell me this.  Mind you, I really like Chris Farley but, it has been a while since I have actually since SNL with him on it.  Having just read her email yesterday, I was sad and I was watching a sketch and everyone of them that I saw, the humor was to be making fun of him because of his weight.  That made me really sad and ashamed.  I really feel the pain that I am assuming he must have felt.

3.  I'm scared for my daughter.  She is at the age where I put on weight and she is starting to also.  I'm trying to not totally screw her up but, I do not want her to have to go though the problems that I did.  She's already got enough of her own.  She's going to need braces and I'm poor and her permanent teeth are truly messed up, which is something I was ashamed of too.  Nothing like a fat awkward girl with fucked up teeth.  She is so beautiful and I want her to be accepted because I certainly know what it's like to not be.

I wish that this could have been more filled with the rage that I felt Saturday night.  I think it has just been all sucked out of me.
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Antioch Homecoming 2007 4

Swimming Rage.

Two things you need to know about me: I love to swim, and I'm fat.

Yesterday I went for a swim. Swimming is a very meditative thing for me. Yesterday was the first chance I'd had to swim in about a week, and, by the time I was done, I was pretty much lost in thoughts of my cats (just found out my eldest cat has cancer), my job, my friends, etc.

I waded toward the ladder but had to wait for a man in the first lane to pass before I could get out of the pool. He passed and I got about halfway up the ladder when the man stopped, turned around and said "Can I say something personal to you?"

In hindsight, I don't know why I said yes. I think it was just a reflex. But I said yes and then this guy basically started lecturing me about how fat I am. He said that I was never going to lose weight by swimming, and then backtracked and explained that he assumed that that's why I was there, and he was quite certain that he was right -- and then launched into this thing about how I need to walk, and specifically I need to walk about ten miles a day but on a soft surface -- not pavement. And I just looked at him -- in part because I was so stunned at the fucking GUEVOS, but also because this schmuck was not letting me get a word in edgewise. And when he finally shut the hell up I told him I just like to swim. I swim because I like to swim.

Now, there's of course the obvious rage -- this notion that being skinny is the only way to be, and that being fat means somehow being "broken" -- but honestly, I'm much more pissed off about this notion of the male gaze. As in, maybe I am trying to lose weight -- maybe I'm trying to gain weight -- or maybe I'm happy just the way I am -- but who the fuck appointed this guy, this random stranger, as my critic? Why the fuck do people still think they have the right to judge other people, and not just judge them, but to offer their (negative) opinions and think that we'll be fucking grateful? I'm certain that this guy expected that I was going to thank him for his most helpful suggestion and then run right off to do as I was told. How is it that this guy -- that any guy -- would think that "hey, you're fat but I can fix you" would be met with anything but my desire to kick him in the shins?

To his credit, he apologized. But that's all I can really say about that.

x-posted to fat_feminist and feminist_rage
painted lips

(no subject)

It's blatantly obvious that in Western society, women of size have no place. If you watch a music video, open a magazine, read a book, go to fat_rejection and/or ohnotheydidnt, view dating profiles, ask people, see a movie etc. the datee or heroine must be the idealized thin. The so-called "some meat on her bones" barely even reaches the average-sized woman. Not only do we live in a misogynistic society, but most of all, fatphobic. According to American and most Western societies, a woman is not truly feminine unless she is under a size ten. Hell, I've even seen someone's comments in YouTube after watching a video that a fat person's opinion doesn't even count. It's especially hard on women. Back in the 1960s and 1970s, there were influences such as Aretha Franklin and Mama Cass Elliot of the pop quartet The Mamas & The Papas. A black woman and a white woman had paved the road for American music. They had nothing in common except for their sizes. But these women had success. The music industry didn't focus on their sizes. Fourty to thirty years have passed since then and now even a plus-sized woman cannot even find success on the god-forsaken show American Idol with the fatphobic Simon Cowell and the rest of America making inappropriate comments about her weight. Today, the only plus-sized women I can look up into the music industry are Eliza Carthy and Beth Ditto. Even these wonderful musicians still receive shit about their sizes.

All of this has created a cycle of internalized fatphobia and I know well myself, I have it. I want women of size to be featured on runway shows. ( Gaultier is already beginning to see the light ). On Vogue, Marie Claire, Allure, Cosmopolitan, Glamor etc. I want to see a plus-sized woman the heroine of a horror or romantic comedy movie. I want to read about how the fat chick gets the dude in the end of a good romance novel.

Regarding internalized sizeism, how to deal with it? How often do you struggle with it?

This is ever the inspiration for me.